yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
