im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize