i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
