sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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