Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize