Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
