I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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