I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
