another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Can I color on your dick again?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
