shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
