Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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