OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she smelled like a LAN party
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
