he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
