Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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