I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I am spending my child support on dildos
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
