Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
