pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
