i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
