Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there's paper in my vomit.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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