oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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