her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
