Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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