is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
