Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dear god my vagina.
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