Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
