you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she peed on how many people?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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