The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
