You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
