I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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