you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
