I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
