end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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