honey bunches of taint.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
