Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
