woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
