She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
