Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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