I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
