so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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