we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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