At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
