youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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