One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
