My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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