Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
