Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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