Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize