Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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