she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
