You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
