I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
