i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize