Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
More tranny stories later!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
