you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
farters have to be the big spoon...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
