I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
