hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i would punch a child for taco bell
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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