I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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