Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
