she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
