dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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