Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
