I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
