Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
