I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
