Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
