i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
